Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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