dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
