i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
