Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize