she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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