can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I looked at my own cervix.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
