no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
