I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Randomize
