she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
