I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
