Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
