Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
