new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
last night I used snow as a chaser
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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