"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
