I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
