so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
