You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
