its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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