Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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