I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
