dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He kissed a someone with a penis
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
