Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
