just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
