She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Randomize
