i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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