She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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