I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
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