looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
