she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
