you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
