New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
