If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
