How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
