Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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