Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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