yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
