Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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