my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
