Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize