my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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