1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
