soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
