Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
