How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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