I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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