The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
