dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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