Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
