am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
