yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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