sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
