Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
