Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
