I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize