Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
