I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
