If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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