I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
