I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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