She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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