i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize