woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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