This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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