Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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