I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
