He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
